The 10 commandments for grandmothers

ONE

Thou shall not put one grandchild above any other grandchild, in favor, gifts, deeds, or attention.

TWO

Thou shall not make for yourself a collection of images taken from the Facebook account, online photo-sharing service, or—heaven forbid—a physical photo album belonging to the parents of the grandchild without asking first.

THREE

Thou shall not take the name of the grandchild’s parents in vain for the manner in which they’re feeding, disciplining, spoiling, raising your grandchild(ren). At least not in front of the children.

FOUR

Remember the Sabbath Day or whatever day may immediately follow a visit with the grandkids. Use it wisely to rest up, for you will surely need to recover from the energy depletion resulting from the constant attention, crafting, joking, cooking, and uncommon physical activity required—and fully enjoyed—while in the presence of a grandson or granddaughter.

FIVE

Honor the father and mother of your grandchildren for in most cases, they really are trying their hardest to do right by the children.

SIX

Thou shall not murder the dietary and bedtime guidelines set forth by the grandchild’s parents. At least not often. And only when chocolate or a request for just one more bedtime story is involved.

SEVEN

Thou shall not commit adult-like expressions that demean the grandchild, no matter how challenging the child may be. Especially at an overdue bedtime—for the child or the grandma. Or during shopping excursions. Or when the little one won’t eat a special something you cooked up just for him or her, snarling and refusing to take even one single nibble because it’s too brown or too red or touching the food next to it.

EIGHT

Thou shall not steal all the time with the grandchild—especially a newborn—from other family members simply because you want to continue loving, touching and squeezing the little one, for others do, too. Volunteer, instead, to change the most stinkily soiled of diapers—something others refuse to do—then take your time doing it. 

NINE

Thou shall not bear false witness against the dog to keep a grandchild from getting in trouble for attempting to dig to China in the front yard or eating the last of the cookies from Mom’s cookie jar.

TEN

Thou shall not covet the time the other grandma has with your grandchildren, even if it’s far more than the time you are allotted. For regarding the moments grandmas and grandchildren share, the quality of the time not the quantity will be most memorably held in the hearts of the grandchildren—and the grandmother.

Today's question:

Which commandment are you most guilty of breaking? (Of the commandments above!)

Grandparenting as a second chance: 15 things I'd do this time around

Some grandmas and grandpas consider being a grandparent their second chance at parenting, their opportunity to do things right, do things forgotten.

Not me. I don't see my time as Gramma being a do-over for my time as Mom. I've already had the headache, hassle, heartache of being a parent. I'm happy now to enjoy my time with my grandchildren without feeling the need to make good on all the things I neglected, all the ways I screwed up with my children. For one thing, there's no way to make up for what was—with those kids or with the kids of those kids.

If it were, though, if being a grandparent really did provide an opportunity for do-overs, here are a few things I'd do better the second time around:

• Go on more family bike rides.

• Complete a doll house for the girls. Boys, too, if they wanted one.

• Be more adamant about flossing.

• Allow them to order dessert now and then when dining out. Or an appetizer, instead of saying the budget's too tight for either.

• Teach them to sew, regardless of their gender.

• Not allow them to quit musical instruction, be it band, choir, guitar lessons.

• Not allow them to quit sports mid-season, either.

• On the other hand, I'd be more adamant about them quitting bad relationships sooner.

• Take them camping as teens, even if they didn't want to go. Once they got out in the boonies, they'd surely appreciate the s'mores, stories, and sky of endless stars regardless of their protests from home.

• Go on more picnics. And Sunday drives, with no particular destination, agenda, goal.

• Buy them each a camera at a younger age. (A far easier consideration now that the cost of developing photos is no longer a factor.)

• Allow more slumber parties. Though not co-ed, as seems currently in fashion.

• Sing more.

• Hug more.

• Remember more.

Today's question:

What would you do differently if given parenting do-overs?

5 things my husband has never done (plus 5 I've never done either)

Yesterday morning as I chopped my apple to place in my instant oatmeal before nuking it (good stuff; you should try it), I thought about all the apples Megan had at her house while I was there last week. She has a lot. All different kinds, too, from galas—my fave—to honeycrisp and yellow ones of some sort and more.

"Preston won't stop buying them," she told me, followed by a wish he'd buy fruit that's a little easier for Bubby and Mac—especially Mac— to eat rather than crisp and crunchy apples. (That require coring and slicing and, in Mac's case, peeling and dicing, too.)

As I cut my apple yesterday morning, I thought about Preston picking out apples for his family and realized that Jim, my husband, has likely never, ever bought an apple. Not for his family, not for himself. I buy the apples. All the apples...which are usually gala because those are what I like. Even when the girls lived at home, I was the family apple buyer.

Considering my apple for yesterday's breakfast and all the apples I've bought in the past while Jim has never bought a single one, I thought of some other things that Jim has never done in our 30+ years together. Things he's never done because I did them. For example:

Five things my husband has never done (because I did/do)

1. Not only has Jim never bought apples, he's never done the weekly shopping for our household.

2. He's never wrapped all the Christmas gifts. Or birthday gifts.

3. He's never played Tooth Fairy.

4. He's never done the back-to-school shopping. Or any clothes shopping with and for our daughters. (A special hell all its own, one you may know if you've had teen daughters.)

5. He's never cooked breakfast for the family.

Seeing how it's the political season, though, and I don't want to seem as mud-slinging as those running for office, in the interest of providing fair and balanced coverage here on Grandma's Briefs, I offer this:

Five things I have never done (because my husband did/does)

1. I've never changed a tire. Ever. Embarrassing but true.

2. I've never climbed an extension ladder and hung holiday lights on the outside of our house.

3. I've never worked three jobs at one time to keep our family afloat.

4. I've never wired a light fixture, a ceiling fan, an outlet that needed repair.

5. I've never changed a catheter bag. He did—mine, twenty or so years ago during an especially scary time. (Probably more scary for him than me, to be honest.)

Now is the place in my post that I should be wrapping it all up with a point. That point, though, has morphed, the more I wrote, the more I considered my lists.

I originally planned to point out what a helpful son-in-law I have, for Preston not only buys apples and has even done the weekly shopping, he changes poopy diapers and bathes my grandsons pert-near as often as does my daughter. While that's cool and admirable and something I appreciate, it's no longer my point.

My point now is this: Who needs a husband to buy freakin' apples when they're willing to change your pee bag?

Not me.

photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What is your favorite kind of apple? (Bet that's not the question you expected, is it?)

5 things I've learned this week

While visiting my grandsons this past week, I've learned a thing or two. Or five.

1. The desert climate isn't unbearable all the time. In fact, I've rather enjoyed the weather this past week, as the highs were in the low 80s or below. I was out walking in the sunshine with my grandsons while everyone back home—including Mickey and Lyla, my dogs and usual walking companions—braved freezing temps and snow flurries.

2. I'm an old lady. At least in the eyes of my oldest grandson. I first thought Bubby's comments on my age were random silliness. As they added up, though, there was no denying he considers me an old woman. Examples:

• As I mentioned a few days ago on Facebook, regarding a conversation about Halloween costumes — Bubby: What are you gonna be for Halloween, Gramma? Gramma (not planning on dressing up and having to think quickly of SOMEthing): I'm gonna be an old lady. Bubby: So like you already are?
• When he and I headed to the grocery store in Megan's car last night, he let me know as we backed out of the garage, "This is a fast car, Gramma—even when old ladies are driving."
• During a discussion of Reese's candy bars, he decided I pronounce it funny. "That's okay," he consoled me. "That's how old women say it."

3. Those grocery carts with an attached play car at the front are a pain to drive. Bubby wanted to ride in the car as we shopped. When I first said no, he answered with, "I understand." Which naturally made me give in. It was my first time driving one, as my daughters never rode in those. In fact, I don't think those were around when my girls were little. They're a true pain in the <cuss> to steer because they're so long. Yes, I had a few fender-benders. But Bubby enjoyed the bumper car action without complaint. I'm not positive I can say the same about the other shoppers.

4. I'm no longer a light sleeper. I was once a light sleeper, awaking at the slightest sound as I kept an ear out for my daughters—for safety's sake when they were little, to bust them on being out past curfew when older. Not anymore. Mac has had trouble sleeping of late, screaming off and on throughout the night in the room right next to where I'm sleeping, yet I learned of his restless times only when Megan or Preston mentioned it each morning.

5. Even old ladies (see No. 2 above) get nervous about meeting new friends. I'm meeting my bloggy friend Connie from Family Home and Life for the first time in real life this morning. That said, I'm also looking forward to it as I learned a long time ago—not this week—that old ladies still like making and meeting new friends, too, despite the nerves.

Today's question:

What have you learned this week?

5 ideas for autumn walks with kids

With the arrival of fall, the temperatures finally lowered to a bearable range in the desert, where I'm currently visiting my grandsons. When I visited in the summer, triple-digit temps kept us indoors. Now, though, pleasant weather beckons us outdoors, and walks are a great way to enjoy the season.

Here are a few ideas for autumn walks, several of which I hope to take with Bubby and Mac before I head back home to the mountains.

Halloween decoration tour. This one we did yesterday. Bubby took the lead in showing Gramma the most festive and fun—and sometimes scary—homes in his neighborhood. We saw everything from simple Jack-o-Lanterns to silly cemeteries, hanging (and some buried) skeletons and witches and more. In true tour-director fashion, Bubby ended the walk by declaring the last stop on the route the winner of the Best Decoration contest and posed for a photo with Mac in front of their favorite.

Penny walk. First, a word of warning: Don't try this not at home, for you just may end up lost if traversing an unfamiliar neighborhood. As you venture off, use a penny toss to determine your route by declaring a toss for heads being a left turn, a toss for tails being right. At each street corner, toss the coin again to decide which way to go. Once you've tossed and turned time and again, you may need to toss once more (or off and on throughout the walk) to decide whether to head back home or continue on.

Alphabet walk. Print the alphabet, A to Z, down a piece of paper, then cross off each letter as you see things starting with that letter. A is for airpline, animal, ant. B is for blue sky, bike, buildings. C is for car, cat, cactus. And so forth. With 26 letters to mark off the list, this walk requires plenty of time—and creative thinking for a handful of letters, such as Z, X, K and Q.

Picture-taking walk. This one was our original plan when we set out for our walk yesterday, as Bubby received a nifty digital camera for kids from Aunt Brianna for his birthday a few months ago. Dead batteries in Bubby's camera led us to opt for Plan B—the Halloween decoration tour instead. As long as batteries are charged, though, budding photographers of all ages will enjoy heading out with camera in hand to capture pics befitting a designated category. Ideal themes for fall are leaves, animals, signs of weather (clouds, blowing trees, etc) bugs, and more. And, of course, Halloween decor, too.

Do you hear what I hear? Going for a walk typically means looking about and taking in the sights. Add a twist to your outing by keeping track of all the sounds you hear while out and about, too. With big sounds like trucks, sirens, dogs barking and motorcycles, down to lower volume beauties including wind chimes, bees buzzing and leaves rustling, there's no shortage of audible delights on an autumn adventure.

Today's question:

What do you most enjoy about autumn walks?