5 things my husband has never done (plus 5 I've never done either)

Yesterday morning as I chopped my apple to place in my instant oatmeal before nuking it (good stuff; you should try it), I thought about all the apples Megan had at her house while I was there last week. She has a lot. All different kinds, too, from galas—my fave—to honeycrisp and yellow ones of some sort and more.

"Preston won't stop buying them," she told me, followed by a wish he'd buy fruit that's a little easier for Bubby and Mac—especially Mac— to eat rather than crisp and crunchy apples. (That require coring and slicing and, in Mac's case, peeling and dicing, too.)

As I cut my apple yesterday morning, I thought about Preston picking out apples for his family and realized that Jim, my husband, has likely never, ever bought an apple. Not for his family, not for himself. I buy the apples. All the apples...which are usually gala because those are what I like. Even when the girls lived at home, I was the family apple buyer.

Considering my apple for yesterday's breakfast and all the apples I've bought in the past while Jim has never bought a single one, I thought of some other things that Jim has never done in our 30+ years together. Things he's never done because I did them. For example:

Five things my husband has never done (because I did/do)

1. Not only has Jim never bought apples, he's never done the weekly shopping for our household.

2. He's never wrapped all the Christmas gifts. Or birthday gifts.

3. He's never played Tooth Fairy.

4. He's never done the back-to-school shopping. Or any clothes shopping with and for our daughters. (A special hell all its own, one you may know if you've had teen daughters.)

5. He's never cooked breakfast for the family.

Seeing how it's the political season, though, and I don't want to seem as mud-slinging as those running for office, in the interest of providing fair and balanced coverage here on Grandma's Briefs, I offer this:

Five things I have never done (because my husband did/does)

1. I've never changed a tire. Ever. Embarrassing but true.

2. I've never climbed an extension ladder and hung holiday lights on the outside of our house.

3. I've never worked three jobs at one time to keep our family afloat.

4. I've never wired a light fixture, a ceiling fan, an outlet that needed repair.

5. I've never changed a catheter bag. He did—mine, twenty or so years ago during an especially scary time. (Probably more scary for him than me, to be honest.)

Now is the place in my post that I should be wrapping it all up with a point. That point, though, has morphed, the more I wrote, the more I considered my lists.

I originally planned to point out what a helpful son-in-law I have, for Preston not only buys apples and has even done the weekly shopping, he changes poopy diapers and bathes my grandsons pert-near as often as does my daughter. While that's cool and admirable and something I appreciate, it's no longer my point.

My point now is this: Who needs a husband to buy freakin' apples when they're willing to change your pee bag?

Not me.

photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What is your favorite kind of apple? (Bet that's not the question you expected, is it?)

Love and marriage: 30 years, 30 reasons

When Jim and I got married, we were oh-so young, with nearly all odds against us.

That was 30 years ago today.

In honor of our thirtieth wedding anniversary, here are 30 reasons why I think our marriage has lasted—despite the odds, statistics, and predictions:

1. We still celebrate our first-kiss anniversary.

2. When one of us says, "Isn't that the one guy from not that one show but the other one, you know, with that woman we don't like who was in that scary movie, but he's put on a lot of weight since the movie where he was a jerk?", the other one totally gets it...and answers with the actor's name.

3-5. Brianna, Megan, Andrea.

6. We love each other's moms as much as we love our own.

7. I'm willing to go to a Randy Travis concert with him; he's willing to go see Chris Cornell with me.

8. We agree that Flight of the Conchords is funny as <cuss>.

9. And that Saturday Night Live isn't anymore.

10-11. Bubby and Mac.

12. We don't share a bathroom. Or use the bathroom at the same time when we have no choice but to share (like when vacationing).

13. We don't share bank accounts or credit cards either.

14. We do, though, share a mortgage—and the agreement that despite our mortgage doubling when we bought our current house, soon followed by both of us losing our jobs and economic <cuss> reigning ever since, we love our home and it's totally worth it.

15. We agree that if stranded on a desert island with only one album, we'd want it to be Pearl Jam's Ten.

16. We have a spare room available for when insomnia, snoring or restless legs get to be too much for the sleepy non-snorer.

17. In the heat of rage-filled moments, we don't call each other nasty names that can't be taken back. (At least not out loud.)

18. We agree that if when we win the lottery, our moms come first when doling out the dough and that gifts of even amounts will be given to all our siblings, despite a couple of them deserving nothing.

19. I cook, he cleans up after. (Okay...I usually help, just to keep him company).

20. We both clean up after entertaining—and agree that it must be done immediately upon guests leaving, not in the morning, no matter how late the entertaining may have ended or how tired we may be.

21. When one of us screws up our finances—because, despite separate accounts, we are indeed joint—neither one lays blame. (At least not out loud.)

22. We agree a house is not a home without pets. And that those pets shall never again be birds or fish or more than two dogs and two cats at one time.

23. He patiently waits until I compose myself when I get verklempt and can't talk, whether it's when discussing a terminal family member or an unexpectedly delightful package delivery.

24. A few hours into the stonewalling after a disagreement, one of us will apologize—even if we know <cuss> well we're not at fault—just so we'll be friends again.

25. That third strand in our marriage cord stayed strong and kept us together when the other two strands, at various times, frayed, gave up or broke completely.

26. We agree that it's sometimes okay to hit the sack before the news. Or to stay up late on a weeknight because we must see what happens next on a series we're streaming through Netflix.

27. We agree that the majority of Christmas gifts should be opened on Christmas morning, not Christmas Eve.

28. We have similar stranger-than-fiction-and-Jerry-Springer families and histories few others would understand...or believe.

29. We take pride in owning—and aren't willing to pass to others—the title of Longest Married Couple In Our Families (even longer than our older siblings and our parents).

30. We grew up together. Like two intertwined saplings that grow together into big, strong—though entangled—trees, if you try to separate them, one or both will surely die. Or so I've convinced him.

Happy anniversary, Jim. Here's to 30 more years and 30 more reasons!

Today's fill-in-the-blank:

The key to a successful relationship is _________.

Sibling revelry

Going through my mother-in-law's old photos of her and her siblings has me considering my own siblings and the few photos I have of us.

I'm pretty sure the center photo below, now 11 years old, is the last one there will ever be of all seven of us together. Funny thing I just realized: It might be the only photo there ever was of all of us together.

"Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are cast in relation to them our whole lives long."

~Susan Scarf Merrell

Today's question:

When were you and all your siblings last together?