What is a grandma?

My website stats show that folks often arrive at Grandma's Briefs by way of the search query, "What is a grandma?" As we grandmas darn well know, defining who and what we are isn't as simple as penning a few sentences similar to a dictionary entry.

That said, the Grilled Grandmas are experts in the field, so I figured combining their answers to the grilling question of "What one word do you hope your grandkids think of when they think of you?" would provide a pretty darn accurate answer of what a grandma is, or at least what one should strive to be.

So I did it. I went through all the Grilled Grandmas—from the very first to the one featured last week—collected their answers to that question, and input them into Wordle, using each word only one time (some, such as love, fun, and caring, were mentioned numerous times).

And here, my friends, is the result: The ultimate answer to the ever-burning question of ...

What is a grandma?

Bottom line? Looks to me like the best way to put it is that grandmas are just plain awesome!

Today's question:

What other words do you think should be added?

Grandma's going to the desert and in her bag she'll pack...

I leave Friday for a twelve-day visit with my grandsons—seven days of which I'll be sole caretaker of kids while Megan and Preston attend an out-of-state conference.

In campfire-game fashion, I've made a list to ensure I remember all I need for the duration of my longest desert stay yet.

Grandma's going to the desert and in her bag she'll pack...

A — Aluminum foil for trying the back yard foil river we never got around to doing last time.

B — Bandaids to share with the boys. Decorated with VeggieTale characters.

C — Coffee. Lots and lots of it. (Okay, I'm not really packing the coffee but I've made sure it's included—in bold letters—on my list of demands that Megan have on hand.)

D — DSLR camera manual. And the camera, too. In hopes I can figure out a few more fancy functions while I have super subjects for shooting.

E — Earth-friendly crafts from Green Kid Crafts. The owners of the subscription service sent me several packets o' fun to review with Bubby, including Pirate Loot, Fishbowl, Great Horned Owl Mask projects and more.

F — Frozen Planet DVD. I'm excited to share it with Bubby.

G — Glasses. And a spare pair of glasses, too. I can no longer fake my way through reading small print—sometimes not even large print—and must bring a spare just in case something happens to the first pair.

H — Humor, or a good sense of it. From what Megan says, I'm likely gonna need it as the boys have been pills of varying sorts for the past week or so.

I — Ibuprofen. I'm pretty sure I'll be needing these pills for the above-referenced pills. If they really are pills. The boys, that is, not the pain reliever.

J — Jammies that are sufficiently grandma like as I don't want to scar my grandsons for life with any unintentional over-exposure.

K — Kitchen stuff. To include vanilla candy coating, sprinkles, and my grandma apron for making Confetti Popcorn with Bubby.

L — Laptop. A telecommuting working grandma can't leave home without it.

M — Music. On my laptop, on my iPhone. Because everything's better with music...and dance parties with cute boys. Cute boys named Bubby and Baby Mac, of course. (Well, named that at least here on the blog. In real life, those cute boys go by even cuter names.)

N — Ninety-four things I'm forgetting about as of this writing. Luckily there's still time for me to remember what those ninety-four things are. I hope.

O — Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott. In-flight reading material my good friend Heather recently bought and had autographed for me. (I'll be finished by then with Lamott's excellent book about becoming a grandma, Some Assembly Required. Huge Anne Lamott fan here.)

P — Power strip for ensuring I'll have plenty of spots for plugging in my laptop, camera, and iPhone each night as I nestle into bed.

Q — Quality hugs, kisses, and grandmotherly attention to be doled out in excess.

R — Realm for Women by Erox perfume. I really stink at accessorizing, but I always wear a (light!) squirt of an understated perfume. I like to smell good. And I like to think my grandsons will always remember that Gramma smells good. (Not that my Realm was purchased with them in mind. It was actually a gift from Jim—who always remembers that I like to smell good.)

S — Stickers! Race Cars Sticker Fun for Bubby.

T — Treasure. Also known as coins. PawDad always gives me treasure I'm supposed to pass along to the grandsons. Most times I do; sometimes I forget. (Just kidding, PawDad.)

U — Underwear. Because I had nothing else that started with a U. Well, because they're a necessity, too, but you know what I mean. Umbrella is the typical U word in such lists, but it's not likely I'll need one as the forecast's for triple digit heat while I'm there. (Maybe undertaker would have been more appropriate as the heat just might do me in.)

V — VeggieTales: Robin Good and His Not-So-Merry Men DVD.

W — Water balloons and the nifty gadget that makes them easy to fill. Will be So. Much. Fun. Especially on the trampoline.

X — X-tra patience. "See H — Humor" above.

Y — Yellow crayons...and every other color of crayon, too, to be used with the coloring book I'm packing.

Z — Zoris. I received a pair of Neat Zori sandals for review, but Colorado weather is not yet conducive to sandal wear. Days in the desert, though, are a perfect opportunity to see how the shoes stand up to days upon days of active fun in the sun.

photo: stock.xchng/bb_matt

Today's question:

Any recommendations of things I should add to my bag?

Nine in five

Nine things I've learned in the last five days:

1. I will never again use Kool-Aid to color Easter eggs. The colors aren't vibrant, purple turns brown, green is impossible (even if you mix yellow and blue), and the color doesn't stay on the eggs very well at all.

2. Woodpeckers will from now on be called Woodeffers by me because they do nothing but eff up the wood on the side of my house. And they chuckle from the trees when I chase them off, only to return to their previous effing pecking spot the instant I go inside.

3. Traditions started in childhood continue to matter—as much to my daughters as to me.

4. Photos sent via text messaging are the next best thing to Skype which is the next best thing to being there.

(Though it would have been nice to be there to hug Baby Mac, who looks a wee bit scared of—or, more likely, annoyed by—Mr. Bunny.)

5. Popping Vitamin E pills really does help with cracked heels. Literally popping the pills, that is, and rubbing the oil into your heels.

6. I can't get enough Bones. The series. We may be late comers to the series, but thanks to instant streaming on Netflix, Jim and I are well into the fourth season and never at a loss for what to watch on TV despite having canceled cable several months ago. (And we will surely be just as sad to end the marathon viewing sessions as we were when we finished Lost. And Firefly. And Lie to Me. And Friday Night Lights. And Sons of Anarchy.)

7. Jim is dead serious about preferring chocolate desserts over any other kind. Even ones that look—and taste!—as delicious as the Mini Cheesecakes I made for Easter dinner.  

8. I'm no longer compelled to stay awake until my children come home after a night out, proven by my being sound asleep when our Easter weekend houseguest, Andrea, went out with friends Saturday night and got home well after the bars had closed.

9. Despite huge changes to the dynamics and logistics over the past several years, the best part of each and every holiday has remained the same: time with my favorite people, my family—all except the desert dwellers, of course.

(Even when they're dorks like Brianna and Andie and unwittingly wear the very same outfit on the same day.)

Today's question:

What have you recently learned?

What grandmas really want

Last week I wrote about what every grandma needs for stocking her home to be adequately prepared when having grandchildren about the place. This post is along the same lines, only it's not what grandmothers want for nurturing their grandkids, it's what grandmas want for themselves—from their grandchildren, from the parents of those grandchildren. 

• Pictures. Regularly. Even text-messaged photos will do. Of course, occasional nice shots appreciated, too, ones suitable for framing.

• Dedicated communication with the grandchildren by phone, Skype, text, email, snail mail.

• Regular updates on health and daily doings. It's not being nosy—it's called caring.

• More updates! Clothing size updates. Interest and infatuation updates. Gift idea updates. Grandmas are always on the lookout for things to give and share with and introduce to their grandchildren.

• "Thank you"s for gifts given, acknowledgement of packages received.

• Realization that Grandma can't read minds. If you want her to do or say or be something, you need to ask her. If you want her to back off, you need to tell her.

• Permission to make unhealthy—but oh-so yummy—food for the little ones. At least occasionally.

• Hugs

• Appreciation for the fact Grandma does indeed have a life and job outside of grandparenting.

• Consideration and kindness when Grandma says "no" to a request from Mom or Dad.

• Meaningful duties to perform when asking, "Is there anything I can do?"

• Understanding of the love grandmas have for their animals even when grandchildren are visiting.

• Invitations to school activities, sporting functions, special gatherings. Even when it's assumed and understood Grandma won't make it to the event.

• Permission to break rules now and then. And understanding if/when Grandma occasionally lives by the motto "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission."

• Understanding when Grandma is jealous of the other grandma(s) in her grandchild's life.

• Original artwork for her refrigerator door and desktop.

• That use be made of the gifts Grandma gives—or at least exchange them for something that will be used.

• Respect and consideration, including when it comes to not all grandmas wanting typical grandma gear such as T-shirts, sweatshirts, and bumper stickers obnoxiously emblazoned with "Best Grandma Ever!"

• Occasional appreciation—possibly even public recognition—for her wisdom and assistance. Unadulterated flattery does wonders for a grandma's ego.

• To see their children succeed at parenting.

• To know their grandchildren—and their children—will overcome inevitable challenges and lead meaningful, contented lives filled with inspiration, enthusiasm, and love.

Today's question:

What else do you grandmas want? What else do you non-grandmas like to give?

The well-stocked grandma: What grandmas need

The other day I stood before my postage scale, weighing a package I'd put together to mail off to Bubby and Baby Mac—Batman jammies for Bubby, a cute short set for Baby Mac, and a special toy for each—when I thought, "Here is yet another thing I've purchased, yet another thing I needed as a grandma."

It's not the Batman jammies I considered a grandma necessity—though considering Bubby's Batman infatuation, purchasing the set when I saw it in Target did indeed feel urgent and necessary. No, it's the postage scale that was a true and necessary addition to my house since becoming a grandma. I mail a lot of packages, and it's so much easier to do it all without leaving home (or standing in long post office lines) thanks to a scale, a USPS.com account, and a friendly neighborhood mailman willing to pick up from my doorstep.

Maybe only long-distance grandmas need a postage scale, but there's no doubt every grandma has had to stock up on myriad goods and gadgets to make the grandparenting gig run a lot more smoothly when the grandkids visit.

Below is a list of things I found to be must-haves and life-savers when I happily host my grandsons. Most I've accumulated little by little—which is really a lot considering I've only been at this less than four years—and a few remain on my wishlist. New grandmas and grandmas-to-be may want to print and post the list in a prominent place, then plead with family and friends to help stock the house with the grandma necessities.

Grandma necessities:

• portable crib or play pen

• sheets and receiving blankets

• baby monitor

• baby bottles and baby utensils—for babies, of course

• toddler feeding sets—bowls, plates, and utensils for those who feed themselves

• sippy cups

• baby gates

• child-proofing gadgets for outlets, doorknobs, cabinets, toilet seats

• bulb syringe—just in case Mom forgets to pack it

• baby bathtub and bathing supplies (mini towels and washcloths plus shampoos, lotions, etc.)

• bathtub ring (the ones with suctions cups) to keep safe those too big for the baby tub but not yet stable in the real bath tub

• non-skid appliques for the bathtub bottom

• nightlight for guest room

• booster seat for feeding at the table (or heck, spring for a real highchair)

• potty chair

• step stool to access the real potty

• age-appropriate toys (for indoor and out), art & activity supplies, books, movies, and music

• car seat for transporting (especially handy for grandmas who help out regularly with daycare, or when traveling to and from the airport with long-distance lovies)

• the aforementioned postage scale for long-distance grandmas

• a web camera—not just for long-distance grandmas

• Bubby's favorite: Gloworms for bedtime (this grandma's saved from when Bubby's mom was little)

• And, of course, a rocking chair

I must say that with all that's necessary when stocking Grandma's house, I'm baffled as to why baby showers for grandmas-to-be have not become a trend among today's extra-involved and uber-attentive generation of grandparents.

baby in bucket photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What other necessities should be found in a well-stocked grandma's house?