5 signs you're a long-distance grandma

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Behind every long-distance grandma is a long-distance grandchild.

1. You have a web camera and Skype access, and you're not afraid to use 'em. [2020 update: Let’s make that FACETIME and other mobile connecting options!] And use them you do, as often as your grandchild's parents allow. (In secret, you eagerly await the day it's no longer necessary to have a parent on the other end to work the webcam for your grandchild, the day when he or she can Skype with Grandma without Mom or Dad.)

2. You have online accounts at USPS.com and UPS.com, with your grandchild's address "saved" ... and used often. Plus, you know that USPS.com is best for shipping small packages to the grandkiddos, UPS.com for large.

3. Your guest room -- the one decorated and furnished exclusively for the grandkids -- must be dusted more often than the regular guest room as it hosts guests rarely. Same goes for the toys in the guest room as they're played with rarely.

4. You have subscriptions to the e-mail newsletters of every airline that flies from your hometown to the hometown of your grandchildren. And you're prepared to book a flight on a moment's notice when an outrageously good deal comes to your in-box ... even if you just returned from a visit, even if you already have one planned in the not-too-distant future. You can never have too many scheduled visits on the calendar.

Last but not least ...

5. You're a liar. What? Huh? To wit: You reply to inquiries of "How are the grandkids?" first with a heavy sigh and downcast eyes -- nearly imperceptible to the untrained eye, though -- followed quickly by typical grandma delight and brag-book sharing. The heavy sigh is because your first immediate and honest response to such an inquiry is always, always, "Too far away." But that's too depressing to share with those just asking out of politeness, so you become quite adept at hiding the truth -- in other words, at being a liar.

Today's question:

What is one good thing about living far away from a loved one?

Bound to happen

Well, it's finally happened: I've gotten old. I've not come to that realization because of my wrinkles, my achy joints or my crotchety disposition of late, but because of how freakin' young those in the medical profession now seem to me.

My eyes began to open to this truth when noticing that doctors interviewed as experts on various news programs regularly caused Jim and me to comment, "Wow, that's a young one" and "Sheesh, has that kid really actually completed medical school?" Only old people say such things. Hence a conclusion began to form: I'm just old.

Then I started physical therapy to repair the damage from little cusshead Mickey pulling me into a face plant when a deer nonchalantly crossed our path during a walk a few months ago. My regular doctor referred me to a fine physical therapist. I read her impressive credentials (she's one of the physical therapists for the US Figure Skating team) then was shocked upon meeting her at my first appointment. She looks the same age as my youngest daughter! There's no way she could be just 25 since she's been practicing since the early '90s. She's performing miracles on my back and has clearly worked hard and long to get where she is in her career, so my conclusion is this: I'm just old.

The final incident relates to Megan's medical scare this past week. Because of the fortunate outcome of a worrisome circumstance, Megan gave thanks and gratitude to her ob/gyn on a recent blog post, a post that included a photo of the doctor. I have never met her doctor and I was amazed at how young this gal is -- this gal who holds the lives of my child AND my grandchild in her hands. Yet, her expertise in the field and the way she's proved herself exceptionally capable lead me to now stand firm in my conclusion: I'm just old.

When I first became a mother, doctors were older folks whom I looked upon with respect and admiration, much as I would a wise grandparent. As the years went by, doctors seemed a little more my age, like a colleague or friend or at least someone who enjoyed the same music and television shows as I did and understood the same pop culture references.

Now, all of a sudden, the doctors I come across are youngsters, many years behind me and certainly not interested in the same music or television shows that interest me. And I don't even seem to know what constitutes pop culture anymore, let alone share any references to it with today's doctors.

My only conclusion: I'm just old.

My only question: How the heck did that happen?

Photo: MS Office  

Today's question:

In what ways do you most notice you're getting older?

Top smiles of 2010

The end of a year begs for lists, so despite sharing a list with you yesterday, I'm here with another today. This time it's ... 

My top 9 smile-inducers of 2010

Bubby. Always. In all ways!

Jim's support, with comments such as, "You really shouldn't try to get a job. Keep writing. I have a feeling things are going to take off for you this year."

Brianna moving into her own first home ... which was the first home Jim and I owned ... which was a weensy bit weird ... yet wonderful.

Signing with an agent. A real NYC agent. (Stay tuned for the miles o' smiles when she gets my work accepted for publication!)

My splendiferous end-of-summer adventure with Bubby.

Andrea getting an awesome new position that makes the most of her people skills and winning ways.

 Megan and Preston announcing that baby No. 2 -- grandson No. 2! -- is on his way. Hip-hip-hooray!

Celebrating Thanksgiving with my entire immediate family for the first time in several years.

Grandma's Briefs readers. Grandma's Briefs Facebook friends. Grandma's Briefs Twitter followers. That's you ... and you ... and YOU!

I can't wait to see what calls forth all the sure-to-come smiles in 2011. Whatever they may be, I look forward to sharing them with you.

Happy New Year! Best wishes for peace, prosperity, love -- and lots of smiles -- for all in 2011!

Today's question:

What brought you smiles in 2010?

9 things I will NOT do in 2011

While lots of folks are making lists of all the things they plan to do in the new year, I'm taking the other tack and offering up 9 things I will not do in 2011:

1. I will not give up coffee. You can't make me, you can't make me, you can't make me.

2. I will not join a gym. At least not until I'm in better shape.

3. I will not become an alcoholic, a position covered quite well by plenty of people around me. As Mattie Ross said in the original True Grit, "I won't put a thief in my mouth to steal my brain." (That doesn't mean, of course, that I won't let a thief borrow my brain now and then; lending it out on occasion can be quite enjoyable when in the right company.)

4. In the same vein, I will not be an enabler for those around me who allowed their brains to be stolen. And I will not be an enabler of the enablers who are enabling those with missing brains to death. Literally.

5. I will not get too serious on this blog. Or too revealing. Or too personal. Most of the time.

6. I will not snigger or snort at whatever name Megan and Preston choose for my second grandson. Unless it's BillyBobJoeDon. Or Ashton. Or SkippyJon Jones (thanks, Mrs. Mayhem).

7. I will not get frustrated while trying to improve my photo-editing skills. And photo-taking skills. Okay ... I will not lie, either, so disregard what I just said about photos.

8. I will not give up -- on my books, my blog, my bank account. Or my dreams of the lives my girls should be leading. Or my dream of winning PCH ... or the lotto.

9. I will not make resolutions. At least not those that I'm darn-shooting sure from the get-go that I won't come within spitting distance of accomplishing.

Photo: Petr Kratochvil

Today's question:

What will you NOT do in 2011?

Nine Christmas questions

Santa Bubby ... unrelated to the post but too darn cute to pass up.I have this festive little book called The Christmas Conversation Piece: Creative Questions to Illuminate the Holidays. It's what sparks or provides many of the "Holiday Question of the Day" questions I've been posting all month.

I usually post ones that require a little thought, a fair amount of commentary, as I like to hear what's on the minds of my readers, in your words and stories. Today, though, for my post, I'm going to shoot out nine quick questions from the book that require short answers, questions that don't require a whole heckuva lot of thought ... yet still provide a good glimpse into the minds of my readers. And I'm going to provide my answers to each, too, just because I feel like being Christmas-y that way.

So read through the questions and my answers. Then comment with your answers to the questions -- all nine or just a few -- if you feel like being Christmas-y that way, too.

Here goes:

1. What Christmas song drives you nuts? My answer: Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time." Hate it!

2. Which of the following four events would you most enjoy attending during the holiday season: a stage production of Dickens's A Christmas Carol, a choral concert of Handel's Messiah, a performance of Tchaikovsky's ballet The Nutcracker ... or (my addition to the actual question) a performance of David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries? My answer: Santaland Diaries!

3. Do you prefer blinking or non-blinking lights on a Christmas tree? My answer: Non-blinking

4. At Christmastime, which do you honestly enjoy more -- giving or receiving? My answer: Giving. Honest.

5. This year, would you rather spend Christmas at a penthouse in the city or at a cottage in the country? My answer: Cottage in the country

6. If snow could fall in any flavor, what flavor would you choose? My answer: Lemon ice (or lemon drop martinis but that wouldn't be good for the kids ... or the alcoholics ... in the crowd so I'll stick with lemon ice).

7. Given the choice, would you rather host people at your place for Christmas or spend the holiday at someone else's home? My answer: My place

8. If someone wanted to give you a $100 gift certificate for Christmas, what store would you want it to be from? My answer: Amazon.com

9. On a scale of one to ten (with one being very relaxing and ten being very stressful), how stressful is THIS holiday season for you? (My emphasis on THIS; the real question is THE.) My answer: Six

Holiday question of the day:

What are your answers to the nine Christmas questions?