No filter necessary

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While I admit the truth hurts in many a case, unfiltered truths coming from the mouth of a three-and-a-half-year-old do no harm at all. Especially when the pint-sized truth-bearer is Bubby.

Bubby has a lot of toys. More toys than many a kid needs or could possibly ever play with. So when choosing a small gift to send my grandsons for Valentine's Day, I settled on some dinnerware from the Target dollar bin that sported robots on the plates, bowls, and eating utensils for Bubby. I packed them into a gift bag decorated with a robot, and added a box of chocolate/peanut butter candies and a lollipop decorated with a scene from The Adventures of Tin Tin.

I thought it was a pretty darn good gift, considering that Bubby and I—at his urging—did a lot of conversing in robot talk when we were last together, that chocolate and peanut butter are the only food groups he willingly consumes, and that he joyfully expressed his love for the Tin Tin movie when he and I saw it together.

I got a call Valentine's Day evening. Bubby's sweet little voice on the other end immediately announced, "Happy Valentimes Day, Gramma. Thank you for the package."

"Oh, you're welcome, sweetie!" I said. "How did you like it?"

"I really needed a toy," Bubby replied in a serious tone.

"Yeah, but you have lots of toys," I told him. "Now you can think of Gramma every time you eat on your robot dishes."

"Oh," he said, still quite serious. "I really needed a toy."

At that point, Megan took over the phone. "Ah, the truthfulness of a three-year-old," she said.

If it were anyone else responding to my gift in such a way, I might be offended. Not at all with Bubby, though. He probably really did feel like he needed a new toy and Gramma's lack of compliance clearly disappointed. Nothing wrong with him telling it like it is.

Bubby's response to the gift didn't surprise me a bit as he usually does tell it like it is. And sometimes his lack of a filter is just so darn sweet that he's forgiven for those times when it's not.

The purpose of my recent trip to the desert was for me to stay with my grandsons while Megan and Preston attended an out-of-state conference related to Preston's job. Late into the third day of babysitting duty, I sat in the rocker feeding Baby Mac when Bubby, who had been in the nearby playroom, sidled up to the side of the rocker, leaned his head on my arm and said in the most woebegone of voices, "I have a picture of Mommy and Daddy. I just wish it was real. I miss them double."

Oh, sweet sorrow unfiltered.

Bubby's expressions of love and joy are equally unfiltered. Later that same day, Bubby was tickling Baby Mac, causing them both to giggle up a storm. Bubby finished up the tickle session, nonchalantly walked away from his baby brother, and turned to tell me, "I love him bad. And he loves me bad."

When I later relayed both Bubbyisms to Megan, she responded with, "Awww...my little love bunny."

And a love bunny he certainly is. An unfiltered love bunny, that is, for better or worse.

I'm crossing my fingers Bubby remains unfiltered for many more years to come, for I wouldn't want my grandson any other way—even if it means hearing the truth about gifts from Gramma that weren't exactly what the little love bunny had hoped for. Or needed.

Today's question:

Which of your relationships would most benefit from a better filter—on statements made by you or to you?

Give Grandma a sign

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My 8-month-old grandson is a genius. Sort of.

With Bubby ahead of him by almost exactly three years, Baby Mac does his darnedest to keep up with his brother, to reach major baby milestones in record time. And he's succeeding, for the most part.

I showed you not long ago that Baby Mac already nearly walks, sort of, and will surely soon be in full-fledged, fully upright, forward motion soon.

Baby Mac already talks, too. Sort of. With baby sign language, at least.

I always thought the baby sign language trend was a heap o' hooey. Until, that is, I saw it in action with Baby Mac.

To bring you up to speed on what I'm babbling about, here are a few basic baby sign language signs:

Megan taught Baby Mac how to sign all done, and he now signs it often—and adamantly. He lets one and all know when he's all done with his food, all done with being held, all done with his nap, all done with staying where he's supposed to be staying in the bathtub, playroom, any room.

Baby Mac has all done down so well, he actually has started saying it. Verbally. Literally. When he feels his sign method isn't getting the desired action, Baby Mac babbles "ah dah, ah dah, AH DAH!" Baby Mac leaves no doubt when he's all done—with anything. Chalk it up to signing.

Megan's working on more with him, too. Not just more phrases, but the actual word "more", mostly in reference to more food of some sort, so Baby Mac can make it clear that his lack of attention to what's on the spoon held in front of his face has nothing to do with satiety and everything to do with wanting to watch anything and everything that's going on around him at all times. He understands "more" but has yet to actually sign it. Considering his level of genius, though, I'm sure that reflects purely on Baby Mac's lack of fine motor skills, not his mental acuity.

There are plenty of other words and phrases, too, that would benefit Baby Mac—and his family—such as hungry, brother, mommy, daddy, change diaper, and I-seriously-need-attention-paid-to-me-and-only-me-right-now-at-this-very-moment. Oh, wait. He has that last one down already and holds back not one bit in expressing it loud and clear, sans hand signals of any sort.

I personally am pushing for Baby Mac to start using the grandma sign. I get to visit my grandsons again in April. When I do, if I'm greeted by Baby Mac with smiles and the sign for "grandma," that is when I'll know for sure that little butterball of a baby boy is a true genius. Or, at the very least, that he adores his grandma.

Which, of course, is more than enough to qualify him as a genius in this grandma's book.

Today's question:

What is your experience with sign language, baby or otherwise?

Love manners and matters

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When I was a child, I rated my affection for something based on one question: Did I love it more than I loved my mom? To me, love was a hierarchy, and Mom was firmly and forever at the top.

Sure, I loved macaroni and cheese, I loved mashed potatoes, I loved listening to the Bay City Rollers and wearing my ever so stylish elephant pants. But did I love those things more than Mom? Not even close.

I soon started applying the same question to people. I loved my sixth-grade teacher, but not more than Mom. I loved my BFF, but not more than Mom. I even thought I loved a boy or two, but certainly not more than Mom. (Their failing the test, I now see, was truly a blessing for me.)

Then came Jim. I soon learned a very important lesson: My love test was silly, my love test was naive. Love isn't a matter of degree, I realized, it's a matter of manner, and I loved Jim in a far different manner than I loved my mom. Not more, not less, just different.

Yes, I loved my mom, but I sure didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. I did, though, want to spend the rest of my life with Jim. Fortunately he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, too. So we married. And had kids.

When the first baby was born, there was the struggle of coming to terms with the fact—for Jim and for me—that the manner of baby love was such that it required more attention, more nurturing, more time than anything else in our world. It wasn't a matter of loving the baby more than Jim, though it took a while to convince him of that.

When the second baby was set to arrive, I had to convince myself that I wouldn't love my first more than the second. I had yet to learn how much the heart expands with each child. The lesson was confirmed when that second baby arrived. And again when the third baby arrived.

Again and again I've learned—and did my best to teach—that each and every one of those loves of my life were loved the very most I could possibly love, just all in a different manner. I've never loved one child more than another; they're loved in manners befitting them. Sure, there were—and continue to be—days when one drives me more batty than another, but that has nothing to do with love. I love them all fully, love them all completely. I just love my oldest daughter in a manner far different than the second, which is far different than the third. I like to think, and continue to hope, that the manner in which I love them is the manner in which they need, deserve, love in return.

If you're a mother, you get that.

When I learned I'd be a grandmother, though, I clearly didn't get it. Not fully. I wasn't sure I could love my grandchild as much as I loved my children. How, how, how could I, I wondered, when I loved my girls so fully and completely?

Again the matter of manners came into play. The manner in which I love my first grandson is so very different than the manner in which I love his mom...and his aunts. No one more, no one less, all of them different.

Which made it easier when my second grandson came along. I now fully and completely love him, too, yet in a manner so different from how I love his brother.

It's been more than thirty years since I first learned the lesson that love isn't a hierarchy or a matter of degrees, that it's a matter of manners. My love has grown to encompass so many in that time. I love my grandsons. I love my daughters. And I love my cats, my dogs, my house, my home. I do still love macaroni and cheese, too, and do still love potatoes. The Bay City Rollers? Well, not so much anymore.

Through all the additions, though, I still love my mom.

And I still truly and deeply love Jim.

And despite all that we've been through in our decades together, all the other manners—and the oft-heartbreaking matters—that have been thrown into the mix, I do still want to spend the rest of my life with him.

All of my manners of love matter, but today, that is the manner that matters the most.

Happy Valentines Day!

photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What love manners and matters are on your mind today?

It's show-and-tell time: Share a little love

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I'm going to try something different today. It requires audience participation, so I hope YOU will participate.

It's Monday. No one feels like working. The weekend is hanging on. Am I right? I thought so. So let's stretch out the weekend just a wee bit more by sharing in the comments below one little thing we each loved about our weekend.

Maybe it's an article or blog post you read—or wrote—that you especially loved. Well, give us all the link so we can love it, too. And be sure to include WHY you love it so we are more determined to click to it. (And those who click on it, especially if it's a blog post, be kind and comment to show you were there.)

Or maybe you watched a movie, read a book, heard a song that you loved. Tell us about it...and feel free to leave a link to the trailer or book site or video. Or just write why it mattered at the particular moment you experienced it.

Maybe over the weekend you had an incredible cup of coffee, ate the best donut, took the coolest photo you've ever taken, enjoyed giving or getting an early Valentine, were on the receiving end of some sweet words from a grandchild or family member—or stranger.

Maybe you simply enjoyed a few peaceful moments to yourself.

Whatever it may be, show it, tell us about it. Just one little love from your weekend. That's what I want to hear. That's what we all want to hear, I venture to say, to keep us from having to consider the week and the work ahead.

I will go first.

As I'm still struggling to get over a super cold bug that attacked once I returned home from the desert, there weren't any huge things I loved about this past weekend. There were little ones, though. One little thing I loved was actually a couple little things rolled into one: I love my new camera. I love that it snowed. I love that because I didn't feel like going outside (thanks to that bug I don't love at all), I could sit at the table in my warm dining room and take photos of the snow and practice a few of my new camera's features.

Here are a couple shots taken during that moment I loved—practicing blurring and focusing on what was right out my door: 

Sometimes, no, A LOT of the time, it's the little things that matter. There's mine, now show me your one little thing you loved. (Be sure to visit shared links, too, as well as come back to see what others have shared after you.)

Let show-and-tell time begin!

Today's question:

What's one little love from your weekend?